Sunday, December 18, 2005

where did those come from?

the little exercise on getting clear below amazed me about my own deepseated thoughts and beliefs about riches...

now that they are out in the open, the next thought that comes to my mind is-- where did those messages come from? do i really believe them, consciously? do i still want to believe them?

- what would my parents think? what would my family think? that i get so rich so quickly and so easily without much effort? without the long-suffering and struggle that they would expect me to have? how dare i betray them and their own stories of pain, long-suffering and struggle?

- what if i become so filthy/obscenely rich i alienate them? or i won't know who really loves me anymore? they might just want me for my money now, not really for who i am... : (

- i might end up totally isolated and alone. i don't want to end up totally isolated, unloved and alone!!!

i suddenly have the feeling that i have been allowing aliens to occupy rent-free space in my mind for so long now, without my being even aware of it!

i think the first message basically comes from my middle-class immigrant parents and my upbringing, and the school and middle-class culture i grew up in: WORK HARD, GET RICH. maybe even religion: THE ONLY LEGITIMATE WEALTH IS THE WEALTH YOU WORKED/SUFFERED HARD FOR.

the second and third messages seem to be from general media/pop culture/soap operatic films' brainwashing: THE REALLY RICH ARE LONELY AND ALONE.

wow.

wooowwwwwwww.

do i really believe those things?

do they really reflect who i am now, what i want to be?

what's so wrong with getting rich effortlessly, without pain, with much joy and fun?

why would it follow that to be rich is to be lonely and alone?

..... hmmmm.....

more to think about here.... more to say on these.
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