im glad i spent my christmas vacation on my "clarifying" exercises; it has sort of buffered me up now for the many negative thoughts that permeate our culture.
i only realized that today when i went back to work. it was like sailing through on the wings of a cloud. but, coming home, though, showering and winding down even as i reviewed my day half-mindfully, ive become more acutely aware of the many instances when i could have fallen into self-bashing and guilt-tripping again, or fallen into the negativistic mindtrap of the people around me.
last night, as i reviewed the many unfinished tasks from last year that i still have to do, every time a self-bashing or guilt-tripping thought tried to assail me, it was like some thought police inside me would rise up and stop the self-bashing or guilt-tripping arrow in its flight with a phalanx of shields to protect me. so i remain in joyful and Gratitude Mode, staying in the feeling.
i can't just let the thought police do this for me automatically every time, though, at least, not at this stage when im still so new to these mental "immunization" shots. : ) i realize that i have to remain constantly alert and mindful, even as i continue to take better care of my self and my mind from the encroachment of a jaded, complaining, victim- and scarcity- and poverty-mentality culture.