it's only been two days back at work (yesterday doesn't count, i self-declared a one-day "emergency" leave to stay cocooned and concentrate on backlog), but the New Year actually feels really new now, bright and shiny and clean.
i still work hard, but i am not stressed. i see now that almost half of my almost-burnout stress before was due to my own self-talk which involved a lot of self-bashing for not doing enough, for not being able to do more, given only 24 hours in a day.
without that kind of self-talk now, i am at peace with the world. : ) other people can do anything and everything and even be as obnoxious as they can be, yet i smile like Buddha now.
there's another more evident manifestation, too: tonight, i brought home two Christmas gift bags (in my part of the world, Christmas starts when the months start ending in "ber" and end on the feast of the Three Kings, which will be tomorrow : >), from a friend and from my school paper staff. i was very pleasantly surprised to open them-- a fun-looking shocking pink malong (a Muslim-inspired wraparound cloth which can be a headdress, scarf, belt, skirt, or whatever, according to one's creativity and knotting skills), a silver-edged make-up kit shaped liked a butterfly, and a really elegant charm bracelet!!!
wowww.
in my whole life, ive never received womanly gifts like these before. it's always just books, or stationery, or book ends, or photo albums, and in pale, earthy colors at that. i guess my aura before was like the gifts i received too.
when i got home and the kids greeted me at the door, my eldest, Thea, was quick to notice the gift boxes and she asked if she could open them. i let her be, as the two little ones crowded around her.
her response affirmed my feeling. : )
ooohhh, ma, they've given you goddess-type gifts!!!
see?
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