Thursday, March 30, 2006
tuesday and thursday, we were supposed to have our comprehensive exams in our MA class. tuesday, we had questions in five subjects, for which we were given 2 hours per subject to answer; i answered everything in 6 hours. well... also because i disciplined and timed my self so i could finish it by 2pm, as i still had my students' thesis defense to attend to by 3pm. today, we had four subjects to answer for the whole day; i surprised my self by answering everything to my satisfaction in just two hours! : O
beyond the compre, ive been very efficient too, with the butterfly and export biz, my classes and lessons and my students grades, on top of being a good mom and person... : ) without feeling tired or put out or resentful about all the time and energies a lot of things are taking from me, like i used to feel before.
in short, im "in my zone" at last! : )
but today, my fuse must be running short. i haven't meditated for 3 days, too, so that must account for my vulnerability again. (somehow, regular meditation insulates me from all the usual stresses, and i am able to maintain my equananimity...)
in the middle of attending to my students' thesis defense, i get a text from my sister who forwarded to me a text message from our cousin in manila, about how her father, our beloved uncle, has suddenly suffered a stroke and is now in critical condition as the family is considering brain surgery...
then, upon going home, the car kept stopping again. it started stopping at intersections earlier today around noon, when i have the aircon on full blast and the car runs idle. i fetched paolo from his cousins' and his cousin went home with us for a sleepover. on the way, we stopped by the mechanic to warn him of my trouble, but the mechanic thought the car could still last for another day, just until i finish the week, before i bring it back to him.
so paolo and redd and i stopped by the mall to shop for the kids' snack items for the sleepover and for the long weekend, now that they're on summer vacation. i made a very conscious effort to stick to my budget, calculating and recalculating each time i put a new item into the cart, that by the time i was at the counter, i had a minor throbbing headache.
and then, just as i started the car to go home, a queer burning smell wrapped us all inside the car. ive never prayed so hard for the car to last until we get home!
we did get home okay, but still with the burning smell. so i contacted the mechanic now to tow it off by tomorrow morning. that means paolo and i ride the public commute again, which is two rides to school and two rides back. sigh.
i felt so frustrated i wanted to burst into tears. ive been soooo good-- but now, this! ... but then i also remembered that the mechanic mentioned he had two secondhand cars to show to papa... and how i encouraged him to do so, soon. i texted my brother, tope, to tell papa about my car trouble again and also told him to expect the mechanic with the secondhand cars for sale. tope was good, saying he'll take care of it by tomorrow. thank God!
all the time, i kept repeating to my self-- "be good to me, ooh be good to me, dear heart!" i realized how easy it was to bring all the good feelings and consciousness ive built up for the past few days down again, with just entertaining little self-critical thoughts when things seem to be going wrong like this.
but i was more successful this time. the Silva affirmation does work when you need it--"negative thoughts, negative suggestions, have no influence over me at any level of mind." the energies built up by the momentum of my past meditations, with Silva, the Holosync demo, and Jody Sachse's HAV1 music, helped, too.
still, i am reminded to get back to my meditations again. today just emphasized to me how i need to strengthen my self with my meditations as often as i can, so the world can't get to me, like it almost did again today, for good.
God help, and God bless!
Monday, March 27, 2006
By Michael C. Rann and Elizabeth Rann Arrott
"Are there really miracles?" Yes, of course, there are. All of us have heard of miracles in the form of physical healings that cannot be explained by medical science. There are also miracles when the perfect solution presents itself at just the right time. There are miracles when some action taken by a person puts him or her in just the right place and results in a greater good than ever seemed possible. There are miracles in finding the perfect job, the perfect mate, and/or money when it's most needed.
Miracles happen through natural and normal circumstances, and the "new science" of quantum physics is proving that we are--every one of us--already wired for miracles. The reality is that every one of us can consciously take control and work to create a miracle or miracles in our lives. We are not victims of a random existence in a confusing and possibly hostile world. Life is for us, not against us. Not only is it possible to experience a dramatic healing or find the perfect solution to our problems, but it's also possible to express the dream or desire that we haven't dared pursue up to now and to learn how to bring such wonderful experiences into our lives more often.
To help get you started on the path of creating your own miracle, here are eight simple steps...
Be very clear.
Expect the best.
Let go of fear.
Open your mind to all possibilities.
See yourself as you want to be.
If you desire health, you need to see yourself healthy and filled with energy and enthusiasm for life. If you desire abundance, you need to see yourself enjoying an abundant lifestyle. And so forth. This does not mean living in a state of denial. On the contrary, you are clear about the facts of your present situation and handle what needs to be handled. But while you are doing all of this, your thinking about where you are headed is focused on what you want, not on what you don't want or where you are today.
Keep the power.
Don't talk about it. Keep your miracle secret. To share it prematurely is to dissipate some of the Power of your idea. Further, a negative or envious person will contribute a certain amount of negative energy, either spoken or unspoken, around your idea. The integrity of the relationship between you and Spirit with respect to the unfoldment of your miracle must not be violated. Wait until it is absolutely necessary to share your idea in order for it to continue unfolding. Even then, share as little as possible with as few people as possible.
Do what needs to be done by you.
Pray. Pray often. Prayer works.
- Pray at a time and in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed.
- Allow yourself to feel empathy, love, and compassion for yourself or for whomever you are praying.
- Pray with a complete expectation that your prayer is being answered and that the desired result is right now in the process of manifestation.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
i wake up now and that's the first thing i think of-- how our most wonderful day yesterday, the kids and i, was ruined for me at the end of it by a sponsoring error thought, which led to more error thoughts.
i started the day by waking up at dawn, as usual, when the kids are asleep, and i have the quiet house all to my own, working on my Peace Psychology assignment, which i promised my professor id submit by noon yesterday.
oohhhh the working was good, the intellectual juices flowing. i put on the headphones and listened to HAV1 music in the background even as i focused on my assignment. i submitted my assignment by 11:30a.m., and feeling proud and very satisfied for having done such quality work, according to my very high standards too.
in between, i brought paolo to his taekwondo class, then came to pick him up again after i finished my assignment.
bea and i met him at the mall going down the stairs and complaining of a headache (again). that concerned me; he's been having a runny nose and cough for a week now, despite the medicines ive been giving him. id like to think that his headaches are caused by a stuffy nose, with the phlegm sort of stuck somewhere higher up in his nose, but now im not so sure.
he did ask for ice cream, though, to feel better, and i gave in. he had his ice cream but on the drive home, he fell asleep holding his ice cream.
anyway, when we arrived home i told him he'd better take paracetamol and go to bed. if he doesnt feel better by 2pm, we'd have to forego his taekwondo promotion test in the afternoon.
he did fall asleep, and i took a nap along with him.
at 2pm, he woke me up saying he felt much better. just to be sure, i said, go take a shower so you will be fresh and renewed for your taekwondo test.
i woke up 30 minutes later with the kids all dressed up and paolo back to his usual hyper, talkative self.
so we went to his taekwondo promotion.
the girls had fun taking turns taking pictures of him and each other and me. i let them be and just watched, savoring the mental break, until i do my next assignment in Religious and Ethical Perspectives on Peace, due today.
from then on, it was good again. paolo did very well in his taekwondo test and is now at high yellow belt level. then i treated the kids to a celebratory early dinner at Jollibee's and i was gratified to see paolo eating so well, for a change. a tiny, nagging worry crept up, though, when paolo used the small towel we brought along to cover himself up, because he said he was feeling cold from the aircon.
after the meal, we went to the nearby mall, and paolo asked if he could buy a Playstation 2 cd, for which he would repay me later at home from his savings. i mulled a moment, rearranging my budget in my mind, but then thea quickly joined and told me i don't have to pay her back the 2500 i still owe her from her Ipod target savings, as she has changed her mind anyway and don't have any plans on buying other things for her self now, but could we buy Paolo his cd now, as well as another one for her please?
that made me smile; how the kids help me think through my budget and try to make things easier for me. they are such wonderful loving thoughtful young human beings, and i am so proud of them and feel blessed by them.
so they had fun picking out their cds, while bea asked for a cookie lollipop for her self. and so we had a wonderful time again.
but on the way home, i was telling paolo that maybe we should take him to the doctor today, for a check up just to make sure. and paolo agreed.
but quietly, i ruminated at how it will wreck my budget now: a simple trip would take at least P500. i foresaw taking that out of what would have been bea's art lesson budget of 2000 come summer...
and then, the sponsoring thoughts, which were more like instant wordless thoughts than actually worded, conscious thoughts--
- ooh, bea won't be able to take her art lessons after all! i so wanted for her to have this now, as she's always the one left behind at home when paolo and thea have their lessons and all!
- maybe i'll just ask bea now that we'll buy her an inexpensive P300 art kit, to make up for it (and she'll surely say yes), so that frees up also the rest of the 2k budget for me to use for other things at home?
- oh god, here we go again, feeling constrained and tight, i hate it!
- i hate it when things don't go the way i planned them to be;
- isn't that nice, being the control freak again, huh?
- maybe it's really better for me not to be budgetting and sticking strictly to any budget at all; we've seemed to manage fine enough without them, and i feel better too, for having not to worry!
- let God and the Universe take care of us; God always provides; there's always more where these come from!
- ohhh my, isn't that mighty irresponsible of you, to throw away budgetting just so you can feel better and not worry?!!!
and so, those series of thoughts and arguments with my self, which occurred in only a few seconds, suddenly made me feel quite glum and blue and worrying again, worrying that there is not enough out there to go around with, and going back to negative, constricting scarcity mentality again.
how vulnerable i still am, huh, despite all my work.
but, at least, i can quickly trace them now, these sponsoring error thoughts.
still, one must always be on guard.
i see my mind now as a garden i am tending, and which is starting to bloom and bear beautiful fruit, without the weeds at last.
but, like the garden in The Secret Garden, i am learning that i must pay attention to it, pay loving and faithful attention in taking care of it, nurturing it, never letting any single stray weed even sprout, or it will just quickly bring down all the beautiful things that i have grown and built up so far.
hmmm... look what i just got from my HappyNews.com subscription email --
an interesting, synchronistic rejoinder to what i have just experienced and learned from!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
- my three wonderful, beautiful, smart, loving children, whose minds and spirit are a constant font of wonder and joy and beauty and whose hearts are in the right place
- my and my children's good health;
- our happy home;
- the food that we eat, the clothes that we wear, the things that we get to enjoy;
- the people around us who love us and make life easier for us;
- the people around us who seem to make life difficult for us but actually make us grow into more patient, more tolerant, more understanding, more compassionate, stronger, richer human beings with both spine and spirit!
- my work
- my students
- the people i work with
- my children's school and teachers and classmates
- my dreams and hopes for my self and our future
- my kids' dreams and hopes for themselves
- my talents and skills
- my friends
- the Internet and blogging : ) and Blogger.com and P, which got me started blogging
- for M, who, with his blunder, helped birth Grace with Fire
- blogger friends
- pen, paper, notebook
- spa massages
- beauty parlor pampering treatments
- good, yummy lovemaking... mmmm... yumyumyum! :P (lick and slurp and swallow! heehee...)
- the Dean and how the recent experience with her has transformed me
- the ex even, and all the other little exes after him... and how ive learned and grown from being with them, finding out who i truly was, what i wanted, what i didn't want after all...
- my peace studies and classes
- peace journalism
- my writing
- The Spectrum
- The Butterfly Source
- GiftsNHousewares by Gaea, Inc.
- pasta (especially carbonara and alfredo), rich coffee, vegan food, salads, soy milk, clean drinking water!
- books, the theatre, museums, art galleries, travel
- human nature
- The Sound of Music, Out of Africa, Life is Beautiful, The Shawshank Redemption, The Little Prince, The Notebook, Leaving Las Vegas
- Illusions, How To Win Friends and Influence People, The Prophet, The Attractor Factor, Papa's House, Mama's House : )
- Silva Ultramind
- Stuart Lichtman
- Mama Gena
- Jody Sachse's HAV1 music
- my past
- my present
- my future
- cloudy days
- breezy days
- the sea
- honey and ping
- even papa
- J... ohhhhh thank you soo much for J!!!
- gifts disguised as burdens
- gifts as gifts
- all the blessings we have received
- all the blessings we are receiving
- all the blessings coming our way!!!
the Prosperity Principles are by John Randolph Price--
1. God is lavish, unfailing Abundance, the rich omnipresent substance of the Universe. This all providing Source of infinite prosperity is individualized as me — the Reality of me.
2. I lift up my mind and heart to be aware, to understand, and to know that the Divine Presence I AM is the Source and Substance of all my good.
3. I am conscious of the Inner Presence as my lavish Abundance. I am conscious of the constant activity of this Mind of infinite Prosperity. Therefore, my consciousness is filled with the Light of Truth.
4. Through my consciousness of my God-Self, the Christ within, as my Source, I draw into my mind and feeling nature the very substance of Spirit. This substance is my supply, thus my consciousness of the Presence of God within me is my supply.
5. Money is not my supply. No person, place or condition is my supply. My awareness, understanding, and knowledge of the all-providing activity of the Divine Mind within me is my supply. My consciousness of this Truth is unlimited, therefore, my supply is unlimited.
6. My inner supply instantly and constantly takes on form and experience according to my needs and desires, and as the Principle of Supply in action, it is impossible for me to have any unfulfilled needs or desires.
7. The Divine Consciousness that I am is forever expressing its true nature of Abundance. This is its responsibility, not mine. My only responsibility is to be aware of this Truth. Therefore, I am totally confident in letting go and letting God appear as the abundant all sufficiency in my life and affairs.
8. My consciousness of the Spirit within me as my unlimited Source is the Divine Power to restore the years the locusts have eaten, to make all things new, to lift me up to the High Road of abundant prosperity. This awareness, understanding and knowledge of Spirit appears as every visible form and experience that I could possibly desire.
9. When I am aware of the God Self within me as my total fulfillment, I am totally fulfilled. I am now aware of this Truth. I have found the secret of life, and I relax in the knowledge that the Activity of Divine Abundance is eternally operating in my life. I simply have to be aware of the flow, the radiation, of that Creative Energy, which is continuously, easily and effortlessly pouring forth from my Divine Consciousness. I am now aware. I am now in the flow
10. I keep my mind and thoughts off "this world" and I place my entire focus on God within as the only Cause of my prosperity. I acknowledge the Inner Presence as the only activity in my financial affairs, as the substance of all things visible. I place my faith in the Principle of Abundance in action within me.
"This is the word-for-word affirmation Anthony Robbins personally used. He went from being in a state of poverty, living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment (where he used to wash dishes in the bath tub), being clinically obese and having no girlfriend - to becoming a millionaire, achieving his ideal weight and becoming physically fit, living in a real-life castle (with turrets) by the ocean with his dream woman -- all within a year's time."
Here it is......
"God's wealth is circulating in my life. His wealth flows to me in avalanches of abundance. All my needs, desires and goals are met instantaneously because I am one with God, and God is everything."
(posted by John in the forum)
i've adapted it to something which resonates more with me and what i've learned/grown into so far:
"God's wealth is circulating in my life. God's wealth flows to me and through me in avalanches of abundance. All my needs, desires and goals are instantaneously met because I am one with God, and God is my Infinite and Abundant Supply, and God is Everything!!!"
if only to keep my positive vibes up, staying in joyful and allowing mode, i have been using these affirmation these days. when i can, i go to my Manifesting Journal and write it down at least 10 times (Stuart Lichtman recommends writing affirmations down 100x; yes, it worked before in grade school, it still works now! : > ).
somehow, writing them down makes them feel more solid, more real, than just merely thinking them out or even secretly saying them to my self. or maybe it's just because im a very visual and verbal learner. : )
writing the affirmation down also quickly amps up my energies again. this, in addition to my basic Gratitude mantra ("thank you God, for all the blessings i have received, all the blessings i am receiving, and all the blessings coming my way!")
it was actually while writing the affirmation down in its original Robbins' form that i grew to changing some parts into what resonates for me more. Lichtman discusses it in his Cybernetic Transposition principles, too, in how to get the unconscious parts of the mind agree more with the conscious parts of the mind, so you get to whole-brain functioning, not one part of the brain working against the other parts.
"God's wealth" twice mentioned, instead of "His" the second time-- for all we know, God is a woman, or both a man, woman and who-else too! : )
"through me", because i strongly believe that i am not only a recipient of blessings but a conduit as well; and the more i allow them to flow through me, the more i also receive in the process. "my cup overflows and runneth over".
"God is my Infinite and Abundant Supply"-- something i came across, learned and started using 2-3 years ago and which has helped me a lot in growing out of a poverty/competitive mentality to a more abundant/creative mentality. i forgot the author, but he was supposed to have published these 10 Wealth Principles from way back in the 1940s yet. you take one principle a day and memorize and affirm it to your self. by the end of 40 days, you will have acquired a new mode of thinking about money, and wealth (yes, it's more than just money!), and abundance. i still have the list of the 10 principles here (they are actually in my cellphone; i still keep going back to them from time to time, when im feeling my self slide down to scarcity mentality again), and i will share them in the next post.
Friday, March 17, 2006
By using positive affirmations, we can build confidence and get what we want out of life.
By Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D
Everyone gets off track from time to time – it’s normal and a consequence of living in a complex, stressful world. Attract abundance and maintain a good mental equivalent by raising your vibration. Raising your vibration means giving loving attention, or energy, to what you want. We get faster results by attuning to an idea of what we want and then allowing it to come into our lives, because we are already in a state of thankfulness that it is here. That is another reason we write affirmations in the present moment: there really isn’t any other time in our lives that is important. Live in the now, thank in the now, love in the now, and allow prosperity to happen in the now, knowing it is already present.
When we concentrate on the effects of the world, rather than our supply, we lower our vibrational quality, making it much harder to demonstrate what we want. You’ve heard the concept of alignment and finding “center” from many spiritual teachers, achieved by chanting, prayer, meditation, chakra balancing, even martial arts or exercise. Those activities help raise your vibrational quality by helping you to identify or resonate with the true self, so that goodness can manifest. Essentially, you are attuning to your God-force. That is why in affirmations, we focus on the “I am” within us and align our vibrational quality with that of our God/Goddess energy.
We do a pretty job of cultivating our own negative programming and often bring to the table a lot of negative assumptions about money and abundance that lower our vibration. You might recognize these.
This shows overall disrespect for your true supply when it’s giving you an opportunity. Choose not to do the job instead!
You are building a “can’t afford” consciousness. You will bring more events and things into your life that you cannot afford.
If you’re constantly worried about lack, you’ll attract it.
This one is particularly self-defeating, because you’ll spend your energy on getting the money without any focus on how to do it.
You won’t be able to demonstrate the law of being with this type of mental muck. Start affirming that you are a prosperity magnet because you possess the boundless wealth of the universe without exception. Spend time raising your vibration. Say that you attract all good things today, not tomorrow or next week. Love yourself, praise your abilities in the present moment, and build feelings of confidence.
Come on, you can do this one!
Remain open to the possibility that the universe is infinitely more creative than you in choosing the channel for abundance to flow through. If you outline exactly how you want to receive your good, you are definitely giving the idea some clarity. But be flexible. Devising a mental equivalent to own the winning lottery ticket might be a way to manifest abundance, but you are limiting the avenues by which good can come to you. Likewise, it’s great to visualize opening the front door to discover a huge basketful of money, but it is more likely that the universe will present prosperity through people and opportunities. Be attentive and keep your options open.
Maintain high vibrational quality by practicing verbal harmlessness. Always extend loving thoughts to those around us. What you see in others is what you will see in yourself, and you’ll reproduce that vibration in your immediate environment. You are attracting that which you are, or think you are. If you are attuning to the highest vision of your true self, how can you go wrong? There are also two words you need to eradicate from your vocabulary: hate and try. Hate, because you can’t have hate as part of your mindset even if you are talking about the corned beef sandwich you had for lunch. Try, because if you say you will try something, it implies that you aren’t going to do it now, only sometime in the future.
Learn to set a mental equivalent of gentleness and generosity and act with poise, grace, loving-kindness, ease, and serenity. You’ll be surprised how little practice you will need until you permanently internalize those peaceful qualities within and find others possessing those qualities who are part of your everyday experience.
Practicing verbal harmlessness also applies to what you say about you. Nothing lowers your vibration quicker than self-criticism. Whatever you say about yourself applies to everyone because we’re the same soul substance – and what you see in a mirror is what you will see in every person in your life. If I say I am weak, poor, or broke, I am saying you are too, because we are the same substance. Further, if I say I am stupid, I have just called the Divine stupid – not empowered thinking! By putting yourself down, you are conditioning your mind to believe it, which means you are focusing on lack in yourself. How can the infinite self lack? Become conscious of the spirit within you as your infinite supply. Know that you are composed of perfect soul material. Keep your affirmations in the present tense, be positive, stop using hate and try, stop self-criticism, and know that you are already wonderfully rich.
Monday, March 13, 2006
from Anisa Aven's Creative Manifesting newsletter which i subscribe to (click on the title above for the link)--
Here are seven simple spiritual exercises to naturally release depression:
(Not in order of importance)
1 - Meditate!
Don't tell yourself that you've tried it and it just doesn't work for you. Meditation is a learned skill that anyone can do, with time, patience and practice; you absolutely can achieve the promise of being closer to God through meditation. Meditation is a simple act of releasing your thoughts and communing with God. This one act alone can support you in achieving that state of serenity and peaceful acceptance that is crucial to manifesting what you want easily and effortlessly.
The resource that I recommend is The HoloySync Program.
2 - Seek out things that feel good!
Anything that you can do to feel better; to get your attention upon what you have to be grateful for, what you have to be joyous about is going to set you on the path of feeling better.
If you feel good when you hold a baby, then volunteer at a woman's shelter, a child advocates organization, or an orphanage.
If you feel good when you are out in nature, then MAKE time every day to sit under a tree and listen to the birds.
If you feel good when you read a good book, then MAKE time every day to enjoy a chapter.
If you used to love memorizing jokes when you were a kid, go to the library and read joke books.
If you used to love to paint, pick up a "paint-by-the-numbers-kit" and begin painting.
3 - Remember Your Alamo! Keep a Victory log!
You want to remember that every day that you are alive, you do something each day, that someone, somewhere didn't have the good fortune to do! Therefore, remember your personal accomplishments and the things you have to be grateful for! Do this by keeping a victory log. Write in your log every day a minimum of 3 accomplishments. It doesn't matter how small they are, write them down. They can be past accomplishments or current, but you are not allowed to sleep until you can write down 3 things that you are proud of yourself for, every day!
4 - Use Emotional Freedom Technique to eliminate your fears, doubts, worries, and your shameful, guilty, or apathetic thoughts and emotions.
In just 3 minutes, you can use this simple, tapping with intentions on your body's meridian points to eliminate your negative thoughts. If you visit Gary Craig's site, there are tons of testimonials about individuals healing their short-term and even life long bouts of depression.
Try these Releasing statements:
Even though I feel depressed and don't know why.
Even though I feel worried that my negative thoughts are going to poison my creative abilities.
Even though I feel anxious because I know I'm sabotaging my own success.
Even though I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Try these Implanting statements:
.I choose to be willing to let these thoughts and feelings go.
.I choose to trust in the Divine for complete and total healing, now.
.I choose to courageously and boldly do what must be done, now.
.I choose to be optimistic.
.I choose to make peace with what is.
5 - Use Dr. David Hawkin's Map of Consciousness
Using his map, you can intentionally walk yourself up the vibrational scale, transcending the lower level, depressed thoughts and emotions and raising your consciousness to a place of peace, joy, love, and tranquility. The more you do this, the easier it becomes, and the faster you'll get there next time.
6 - Launch a happy Daily Living Vision
Every day, launch a living vision that includes what you want your everyday emotional well-being to look like.
I am so grateful to experience such joy in my everyday existence. I am free to be me and I feel at peace with what is at all times. Just this morning, as I was sipping my soothing cup of coffee, I was listening to the birds and feeling so happy about simply being alive and well. I don't know what tomorrow will hold, but I do know that I feel more and more at peace and in joy, every day. I know that I was born to be happy and I claim this as my normal level of existence from this point forward. I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be so loving towards others and to be so loved. I am inspired to be at the right place, at the right time to make a difference, to make my life count even in the smallest of ways. I acknowledge my greatness and I give thanks! I claim peace, joy, love, and harmony to be my moment to moment _expression!
7 - Pray!
Find time to ask God to support you in your desire for fulfillment, peace, serenity and joy. Your prayers will always be answered when you hand it over. SurRender to what is by accepting all things as perfect and then hand your fears, worries, doubts, and all levels of anxiety over to the omnipotent presence of God.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
after the last post, i did Holosync again the next day and it was better. on thursday, i did Silva first, then the Holosync, then listened to the HAV1 music in the background. i did that again last saturday. since then, ive been "high", needing very little sleep, with energies so amped up, that even after the The Vagina Monologues rehearsals which lasted till midnight last thursday and friday, and then the show last night, i have still been very energized after i got home.
(well, the vibes at the rehearsals were very positive, too, so that must have kept the amped energy levels up further...)
anyway, i am finding that i can do every other day with my "formal" meditations, as long as i make it a point to listen to my HAV1 meditations every day, even if they were in the background only and i was doing other things.
show night was grand. my prayers were answered-- i delivered my lines not only without a hitch, but i was able to deliver them from my heart and soul, not "acting them out" anymore, and during my speaking parts, i could palpably feel that i had the audience's full attention. i elicited laughs where they should laugh, i made them fall seriously quiet in the parts where i was going deeper, speaking about fears and anxious memories.
i am still basking in the after-show feelings of joy from doing a work well done, and from the womanly bonding with my co-cast members, women whose ages ranged from 14 to above 60, different characters and personalities all, but one in the womanly experiences we all shared.
so today, even with the brownout and the heat, i didnt let it get us down. i took the kids out to the malls instead and hung out there for almost the whole day, just enjoying the break from work and worries and anxieties. secretly, wordlessly, i already thought and felt that i could live like this forever, working on work i loved to do, and moving past worry and anxiety now, just doing what i can do each day as well as i can, and enjoying what i have accomplished at the end of the day.
while waiting to go home tonight, standing by the video shop door waiting for the kids to make their rental selections. i was quietly calculating in my mind my coming week's budget.
it was weird. all the happy feelings and positive and energized vibes of the past four days--quickly gone in a few seconds.
i was quicker to trace back to the erring thought which burst my bubble this time, though-- the erring thought was, "what if my aunt's secretary forgets to transfer my fee on time again, like she did last month?"--and catch it, and frame it, and see it for the unfounded fear that it was.
even so, i acknowledged the thought and quickly projected to the worst case scenario of it coming true, and after some more calculations and adjustments, i could see that i could last even up to when my butterfly biz commission comes in on the 20th, when my aunt's secretary will surely remember my consultancy fee, too, because she gets a reminder from my uncle about my butterfly biz commission every 20th of the month.
so, that eased my anxieties and starting-to-act-up upset feelings a lot. in fact, as im writing this now, i find that they are quickly evaporating into thin air!
i wonder now if this was what stuart lichtman was talking about in his cybernetic transposition discussions.... or maybe it was in EFT... but i remember i read from somewhere that the trick is to catch the erring thought, the thought that caused the feeling, and to bring that thought up to light, acknowledge it, yet also examine it for its validity against reality, experience and intuition.
i also remember now that that's why meditation helps, because it causes you to grow in self-awareness, in watching your thoughts and even catching them as they come and go, in growing in the consciousness that your thoughts are yours but they are not you, and so you still have final control and say about the quality of your thoughts, and changing them to fit your intentions.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
i wonder now if being brought down to Delta level did that? Delta is supposed to be the level of sleep and unconsciousness; the challenge of meditation is to harness this tremendous creative power in Delta by going there, staying there, yet not falling asleep.
anyway, i woke up only near noon because i was awakened by my brother's voice in the living room. he had come to return to me some legal papers for the bank because there were corrections to be made.
i don't know why, but i suddenly felt upset.
maybe i felt upset at the implications for the sudden change in my plans for the rest of the day (i planned to stay in to write and work on some projects, as i wasn't meeting my classes today since they were supposed to work on their projects). my loving brother was quick to pick that up as he quickly assured me not to worry, to do it only when i can, as there's no rush anyway.
i normally would have quickly felt better with that, but i didn't, not today. i then remembered all the things i needed to do and finish and i felt even more upset and irritated. the overriding thought in my mind was, " if i wasn't so tied down to my university job, i could do all these other things quickly, promptly and efficiently...", and that thought brought me further down. : (
i went to the beauty parlor by early afternoon, to have an overdue pedicure and manicure. i thought, too, that that would quickly bring me up again, as pamperings like these always do. and it did. especially as my eldest, thea, accompanied me, and then i accompanied her to shop for her dance costume. i felt better with our little date, but still, the feeling of nagging irritation didn't completely go away.
while driving home, i wondered now if this was an effect of the meditation, too, bringing up subconscious negative feelings ive ignored... and i reminded my self to just "witness" it this time, and not get so hard on my self for having them. and i did.
and as i watched, a strong wave of missing J came up, and has stayed with me until now. my eyes got misty and my throat ached from allowing the wave of missing J wash over me... and now im just crying from missing him so, from wanting to be together with him now yet feeling frustrated that it can't be... not yet, anyway...
so, all the irritated and upset feelings this whole time is just due to missing J, huh?
i wonder now if this is a good time for me to go deeper into meditation. when little emotional upheavals like these come up, i am unable to do anything much at all... and considering all the work i still need to do before school finishes at the end of this month, maybe i should just postpone going deeper into meditation until summer vacation, which starts next month?
first, it's only 20 minutes. the interview cd took 40-plus minutes and the testimonial track took 28 or so minutes. : ( (of course, what was i expecting from a free demo cd? naturally, it should be to whet my appetite for more, of course.)
then, too, although i understand that the Holosync sine or technology sounds are embedded into the surface environmental music of rain and clinking bowls (?) -- i loved this part-- i didn't like Bill Harris' (the Centrepointe founder and CEO) voice intruding into my thoughts for 13:49 minutes, reviewing all the benefits of using Holosync.
my thoughts at this point were now on whether they have embedded something in the cd, too, to move me to buy! (although even before listening to this track, while just browsing through the info material, i already decided i want to buy the whole program; the only concern was how, as i've retired all my credit cards...)
it was quite amazing, though, how quickly my thoughts provided solutions for me--i wasn't even able to formulate a clear and direct question yet, my question/concern was mainly a wordless feeling (how will i be able to buy it?), and suddenly ideas already rushed forth:
- email my uncle and ask if we can just charge it to his credit card, then he deducts it from my business commission this month (since sales has picked up; it won't affect my regular budget too much, because i expect to be getting double my minimum commission, at least);
- go to Centrepoint's purchase section and see what info details are needed to purchase, so i can email these info to my uncle; and
- while at the Centrepointe's purchase section, i saw that they had a provision for paying by international check or money order; i then thought to at least ask my bank manager today about purchasing one and the fees involved; that way they could just deduct it from my account when my business commission comes in, as its coursed through their bank anyway.
for the price they've quoted, and the entire program content and benefits, plus the free additional material and 24-hour online support, and the one-year money back guarantee, it sounds indeed risk-free, in return for the listed benefits-- which i already know from my own trial-and-error-and-lesson experiences with my own meditations to be true:
- "profoundly deep meditation
- dramatic increases in the production of a whole variety of beneficial brain chemicals, including pleasure-causing endorphins-- as well as a number of others proven to slow aging and increase longevity and well-being...
- the release and falling away of dysfunctional mental and emotional patterns (such as anger, fear, anxiety, depression, sadnes, substance abuse, self limitations, etc.)-- even those that have stubbornly resisted other methods...
- increased learning ability, enhanced creativity, greater intuition, improved focus and concentration-- and (even more amazing) greatly increased personal self-awareness (scientists call this combination 'whole brain functioning'...)
- dramatically lower stress levels, and an increased ability to deal with whatever comes at you from the world, calmly and clearly. you become more relaxed, less anxious, more centered, more peaceful, and more connected to others...
- achievement becomes easier, and without the same feelings of anxiety and stress. taking the risks necessary for success doesn't seem so scary anymore. good things begin to just "happen" in such a way they almost seem to fall right into your lap...
- the need for sleep decreases, yet aliveness, vitality and energy increase!"
but, the main edge of Holosync, i guess, is that it claims to bring these to you faster and in a more consolidated form, and with guided support, too, on a long-term basis, unlike having to spend years just trying to "get it right" in meditation.
hmmm... the quicker and easier way which i have to shell out money for, or the slower but customized way i already do now, creating my own "meditation curriculum" so to speak, from what's already out there for free?
Monday, March 06, 2006
i didn't know, though, that it also included a lot of explanatory and introductory materials to the science of meditation, brain wave patterns, whole brain synchronization, etc. i appreciated this a lot because it appealed to my logical, rational mind : ) and seeing things being explained more scientifically, with scientific experiments' results to support the concepts and explanations, made me feel "safer" somehow.
i especially appreciated, though, the validation on the purpose of mind chatter and emotional upheavals (or "overwhelm") as one goes deeper in one's meditation. somehow, my recent experiences, especially my two little upheavals (the first triggered by the church annulment petition filed by the ex, the second caused by suddenly overwhelming anxiety over a delayed transfer of only 5k), make sense now when i see them from this perspective.
here are a few excerpts from it's website's FAQ too--
What do I do about the mind chatter?
Mind chatter is the sometimes bothersome mental "talk" that floods the awareness of the meditator. Although advanced meditators don't experience as much mind chatter as less experienced meditators, anyone at anytime is subject to having a busy mind dominate their attempts to relax into a peaceful state of mind. We usually suggest a simple "witnessing" approach; observe the thoughts as they arise, but don't emotionally attach to them. Allow the thoughts to surface, and allow them to move on. Thoughts in meditation represent stresses in the nervous system bubbling to the surface, taking the form of random thoughts as they break the surface of the conscious mind.
What if I feel mentally or emotionally overwhelmed?
Overwhelm is a reaction some people have to the experience of flushing out unresolved mental and emotional material. It arises from subconscious levels of resistance to the process of releasing that material. For most people, overwhelm plays a minor role in their development; it's a temporary experience, and usually dissipates as you continue to use your CDs. Sometimes the overwhelm itself can reveal helpful information regarding the changes happening on the subconscious level.
Do I need to experience emotional upheaval or overwhelm in order for this to work?
Upheaval and overwhelm are broadly defined terms used to describe the experience of negative emotional/mental surfacing and flushing out from the subconscious. While may people experience some amount of upheaval as they go through the program, it would be a mistake to think that you need to experience upheaval in order to progress and grow, or that it is a sign that "it's working."
These experiences are sometimes by-products of growth, the same way that losing weight is, for some people, part of what has to happen for them to get into shape physically. Many people mistakenly assume they aren't progressing unless they're in the midst of intense catharsis. The truth is, your nervous system will create whatever experience is ultimately necessary for it to reorganize at a higher level of functioning. Don't resist the process of releasing that mental and emotional material, but don't go looking for upheaval either.
The best rule to follow is to let whatever happens be okay. We are giving your nervous system a stimulus pushing you to grow and change. Whatever response you have is what needed to happen at that time. The only "mistake" you can make is to resist what is happening. In fact, all discomfort experienced in the program is a result of resistance. If you were able to be totally non-resistant, the journey would be totally smooth. The whole purpose of the support materials is to teach you a way of at least coming close to create a non-resistant experience.
i just finished reading the intro materials and am now listening to the intro cd. i can't wait to try out my meditation cd later!
The Science of Being Rich - Summary of Principles
There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made,
and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and
fills the interspaces of the universe.
A thought in this substance produces the thing that is imaged
by the thought.
A person can form things in his thought, and by impressing
his thought upon formless substance can cause the thing he thinks
about to be created.
In order to do this, a person must pass from the competitive to
the creative mind. Otherwise he cannot be in harmony with formless
intelligence, which is always creative and never competitive
A person may come into full harmony with the formless substance
by entertaining a lively and sincere gratitude for the blessings
it bestows upon him. Gratitude unifies the minds of individuals
with the intelligence of substance, so that a person's
thoughts are received by the formless.
A person can remain upon the creative plane only by uniting
himself with the formless intelligence through a deep and continuous
feeling of gratitude.
A person must form a clear and definite mental image of the
things he wishes to have, to do, or to become, and he must hold
this mental image in his thoughts, while being deeply grateful
to the Supreme that all his desires are granted to him. The person
who wishes to get rich must spend his leisure hours in contemplating
his vision, and in earnest thanksgiving that the reality
is being given to him.
Too much stress cannot be laid on the importance of frequent
contemplation of the mental image, coupled with unwavering faith
and devout gratitude. This is the process by which the impression
is given to the formless and the creative forces set in motion.
The creative energy works through the established channels
of natural growth, and of the industrial and social order. All that
is included in his mental image will surely be brought to the
person who follows the instructions given above, and whose faith
does not waver. What he wants will come to him through the
ways of established trade and commerce.
In order to receive his own when it is ready to come to him, a
person must be in action in a way that causes him to more than
fill his present place. He must keep in mind the purpose to get
rich through realization of his mental image.
And he must do, every day, all that can be done that day, taking care
to do each act in a successful manner. He must give to every person a use
value in excess of the cash value he receives, so that each transaction
makes for more life, and he must hold the advancing
thought so that the impression of increase will be communicated
to all with whom he comes into contact.
The men and women who practice the foregoing instructions will
certainly get rich, and the riches they receive will be in exact proportion
to the definiteness of their vision, the fixity of their purpose,
the steadiness of their faith, and the depth of their gratitude.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
yet still, sometimes, i catch my self thinking and wondering if i shouldn't be doing more towards the direct manifesting of my desires.. you know? it somehow feels like im slacking off or something, when im enjoying my self so much too, just being God's loved daughter and basking in that love.
a story i read in the ManifestLife.com forum reminds me that im on the right track after all, and that maybe those little niggling voices are just some parts of me from the past, who were accustomed to so much struggling and striving, they're feeling really uncomfortable by being in this good, trusting, relaxed and loving place at last.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
the following lines in this e-course strikes me now, though--
His (J. B. Rhine's) experiments also showed that distance, space and time played no significant effect on the success of the phenomenon. A highly trained subject in France could guess the outcome of a card drawn in the US just as well when she was across the Atlantic Ocean, as when she was sitting directly opposite the person drawing the cards.
Furthermore, the subject could guess the outcome of a card drawn a year into the future - again with the same degree of accuracy.
and the first thought that came to mind was--
hmmmm... i wonder how this will work with the lotto, and even Powerball!
the lotto i can experiment with on my own, as we have our own version of it here; but id need a willing and trustworthy partner for the Powerball.
: ) : ) : )
SilvaUltraMind - sign up for the free e-course and get your free guided audio meditation file, too; this is what got me re-started in meditating again.
Harmonics Ascension Vibronics (H.A.V.) - a sneak peek; but i have been playing the two audios one after the other (one takes 61 minutes, the other 39 minutes) for around two weeks already, in the background, while i do other things, and i am finding out that i am more centered and peaceful and have increased energies! the increased energies is really the amazing thing for me; i can go back now to my youthful days of working straight from 1am to 10pm, with just a 30-minute refreshing and deep nap in the middle of the day! i used to need 3- to 5-hour "naps" just to recharge.
Holosync (sign up to get a free cd mailed to you! im excited to receive mine!)
but first, a primer/orientation/reminder --
How to Make Meditation Work for You - yes, it's not all about happy, blissful feelings... well, not at first, especially if you have many unresolved issues within to work on...
but if Mind creates reality, and your mind creates your own reality, the journeying with your mind is by far the best journey you can ever take!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
mostly, i spent it taking good care of my self with little bodily pamperings, eating my favorite vegan foods, just taking time and paying attention to the Now, and feeding my dreams again, after a hiatus of outer world busy-ness here and there.
after dropping bea off at school this morning, i stopped by my Dream Home site, this still-being-built subdivision community named Las Villas de Hervias, to breathe in its cool, fresh positive vibes again and just stare/gaze/gawk at the site, while soaking my self in the happy feelings of what it would be like to be living there with the kids and J...
there was nobody else there, just the construction workers, and a guard this time. this time, too, i mustered up the boldness to ask the guard where their sales office was, as if i were really a serious buyer (well, i am, i just don't have the resources... yet : >).
i got the name and the street address of the office -- Carmela Valley Executive Homes, 9th St., Lacson. : ) somehow, this little piece of additional information made the Dream a little more reachable, real, like finding out a snippet of information on somebody one crushes on... : ) ... except i definitely feel more than just crushing here; i fell in love with this place the first time i saw it!
before i went home, i found the street address and the office, and filed the location in my mind for a future visit. i was too early, and their office was still closed. i wasn't dressed appropriately, too, just in house tee and shorts. i'll make sure to create a good impression by dressing like a serious buyer exuding Abundance when i do visit, sometime soon, i decided.
so this is mainly the highlight of my day today, basking in one of my soul desires, and not worrying any one bit about how it will come about.
and somehow, it is joy enough.
this is my favorite pic, taken by bea (!) using my cellphone camera. (it's my cellphone wallpaper too : > )
it somehow captures the essence of our Dream-- from where we are (signified by our old red trusty car), to where we want to be (the Las Villas de Hervias gate), and through its still being built for us (the sacks of cement on the road)
you are loved, just as you are. you can't help it, really. The Universe strains, yearns to give all the Abundance you can contain, despite your fears, anxieties, worries, frets, tizzies. so not even your fears, anxieties, worries, frets and tizzies can stop the flow anymore. you are loved and so taken care of, just as you are.
before, when meditating and manifesting my Good, i was coming from a place where i was feeling good because i knew that i deserved all the Good coming my way.
now, after the recent tizzy, when meditating and just enjoying and expecting now the manifestation of my Good, i am coming from a place where i know, that even if i don't feel i deserve it, the Universe still directs it my way anyway. that God/Love conquers even my smallness of mind and heart; that my Abundance cannot be helped nor stopped anymore.
now, isn't that kind of knowing such a gift? : D