Saturday, February 11, 2006

Update, 2

this is my 28th day now, and it's been like 11 days since i was able to properly and successfully combine both creative visualization (using the 3-screens technique) and relaxed concentration with my guided Silva meditation audio.

by my 8th Silva meditation middle of last week, i was able to do the combining, and i went deeper and my visualizations became more vivid and concrete straight through to my 9th and 10th sessions.

since then, i have gone back to more actively working on my To Dos now, too, although, this time, I more consciously take care to be good and kind to my self, and not bash my self with guilt-tripping from things left undone.

first, i would just simply reschedule them in my monthly planner, but seeing all the so many penciled arrows pointing to the rescheduled tasks got me, bogged me down, so now i simply erase what was left undone for today and write them again on the rescheduled date. that makes me feel lighter, more successful at what i do, seeing only check marks for all the things listed today, and less burdened by the weight of the guilt of unfinished To Dos, because there is none on the planner at all, as they are all erased anyway, and set to another date as like a fresh To Do. : ) this is fun playing tricks with my own mind and ego. : ) anything to take better care of my self now!

*****

my main learning and insight in doing this 30-day experiment seriously is that it is not so much for actually manifesting all that i Intend in 30 days ( i know enough now that it is ours to ask and prepare our selves to receive, but it is the Univere's to bring it to us in Its own Time, when all the conditions are right, even as it does all It can to bring them to us... that's why our cooperation in staying clear and in joy, fully trusting, allowing and preparing to receive is most crucial, too!), but in beginning to grow into one's spiritual powers and connecting to the Divine Source.

the exercises in working through the blocks and obstacles of self-doubt, anxiety and fear inside, cleansing and clarifying one's self and coming through clearer and more connected to one's Core, harnessing one's willpower to focus only on one's Intents, and working with one's mind in a more mindful, attentive and caring away at last, are actually worth more than the manifestation of all Intentions, because if one can master these, any and all Intentions can quickly manifest!

ohh, my Intentions are still there, of course. i have not forgotten about them. in fact, they have only become clearer to me (and my will more intent on them)--- yes, this is a good exercise, too, for knowing what one really truly desires because if you can stick to your intentions still with faith and joy and expectation, despite the bumps and struggles of working through the blocks, then the Intentions must be real, coming from the heart and soul.

i am still even curious and expectant of what the Universe will bring to me by the 30th day, which is only 2 days away, although i have also become aware of the so many signs along the way of my Intentions beginning to manifest. ( i have 4 Intentions; 1 and 4 seem quicker in manifesting physically, 2 and 3 are taking time but i am growing in visualizing them more in detail too.)

i have decided that i will continue with my meditations and Intentions setting and Manifesting exercises now, way beyond the 30 days allotted for this experiment, and even for life.

i am leaving an old world behind now, and coming into a better, newer, finer and happier world.

i am coming home, at last.

*****

i am noticing that i need to have a 1-2 day gap or downtime after each Silva meditation i do, to more fully integrate the effects of meditation on my system. i get so high and so infused with energies that if i do another meditation the next day, i actually become breathless and dizzy!

but by the 3rd or 4th day, if i haven't done my meditations again yet, i also feel the world starting to get to me again with its pettiness and negativity.

i think and i understand now that this is just a natural process as one tries to balance one's energies; those in homeopathic medicine call it a healing crisis (you get worse before you get better, because what seems worse is actually just all the toxins coming out at last), but i also hope to more regularly practice my meditations to amplify and further finetune my energies, by doing my meditations right after waking up at dawn, daily.

*****

i am excited about the growing number of Manifesting articles i have bookmarked and e-books i have downloaded from soo many different sources which call out to me with a quickening in my heart.

i have bookmarked them and saved them for more serious study, by the time i turn 38 in a few days, when i have finished all (or most) of my To Dos (i won't call them backlogs anymore), and cleared my time, space and energies up for this.

it started with physical spring cleaning last Christmas, then inbox spring cleaning, and now, mental and psychic spring cleaning too, as i finish unfinished business, at last.
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