Intent NOW

"I am in an honest-to-goodness, loving, healthy, affirming relationship, based on trust, love and respect, which, with God's Grace, lasts a lifetime.

I am with a good man who is single, available, honest and kind, loving and responsible, healthy, takes good care of himself and his life, positive about life and growing and learning as I am, and with a strong sense of dignity and honor. He loves me and my children with all his heart, mind, body and soul."

The Universe supports

it is 1235 am here, and i just woke up (actually woken up by two noisy older kids who were arguing about whether the younger of the two should sleep with the older one or with me).

last night, i slept early, tired from work but happy and satisfied from a day well used, yet also feeling pensive and very private. there was this sense of being alone and separate, just a little cog in the Universe, inconsequential, dispensable...

maybe it was from an earlier chat with older women colleagues (i was the youngest) yesterday after lunch at the faculty office, where we somehow got to talk about womanly things, and one 60-year-old colleague shared how she didnt like having sex with her husband anymore because she has become too dry and it has become painful, and there was ribbing and cackling and more womanly sharing and advices, and i gently, shyly offered my own advises.... and the attention turned to me, and they asked me if i still planned on marrying again someday, and i said yes, but im more discerning now, that i want to do it right this time, and it's not as if it's a "must have" for me, how if the right fit happens, id go for it, but if it won't, it won't make my life any less complete or less happy, unlike in the twenties when one first marries and one actually marries for other reasons... and then somebody nodded sagely and said, "yes, i get what you mean; companionship is best." and everybody else echoed the sage nodding.

the bell rang and we all had to move on to our classes, so i chose not to respond anymore. but, that small comment must have done it-- led to how i felt for the rest of the day, even when i tried to shake it off.

no, companionship is not best. it was the farthest thing from what i was trying to say. no, i wasn't even talking about companionship! but yes, i got the undertone of that well-intentioned comment: "dear, you're young but already in your late 30s, and with 3 kids. what single, available and quality guy would marry you for love?"

that, i guess, led to my feeling suddenly very alone.

still, the Universe supports, and sends me gentle reminders my way, from unexpected sources at that.

i just received a very nice comment from somebody, who invited me to check out her blog, too, and her latest post quickly changed my perspective, reminding me what it's all about. thank you, i_heart_80s! (thank you, too, for linking this blog in yours, and your Abraham-Hicks link in your blog! ive heard about them here and there but only got to be introduced to the essence of the teachings through your link!)

***

the last two days, too, have been a bit challenging for me in the heart department. i have been missing somebody very badly. although i love him, i am trying to extricate my self from him, because i am the "third party"... and since i started "going back home" recently and resolving to my self that i will be doing it right this time (with regards to him, maybe wait when our time comes, but not really "waiting" in the sense of postponing my life for him but just going on, letting what should be should be, letting things unfold naturally in my life), my resolve has been weakening lately, too, because i missed this person.

then, out of the blue, i get a call from mama, telling me how happy she is to know that i've been going to church again lately, and how she felt urged to sign me up for this quality online dating site! : ) awwww, ma...... !!! ( the smiley was not for the dating site but for mama's ideas!)

a few hours later, a good friend from Australia whom i haven't corresponded with in a long time suddenly messages me just to let me know and share with me how happy he was to have recently found the love of his life, and reminding me that it will come for me soon enough too! : ) that was sweet of him, to tell me that he prays for me to find what i deserve, too.

and yes, i got the point from these unexpected Universal "nudges"-- telling me through this experiences that ive made the right decision and that it's supporting me on my Path.

thank You, Universe!

the law of attraction, personally speaking

how shall i say it without sounding smug?

i seem to be attracting the good quality guys these days.

i didn't write it publicly in my Desire List, although i wrote it in my diaries from time to time, but it seems like, at last, the Universe is answering my heart's call.

good-hearted, smart, accomplished, goodlooking and available men seem to be coming out of the woodwork these days, when, for most of my life, i thought they were non-existent.

in my teens, i attracted and was attracted to the bad boys, those dumb jocks from the lowest academic classes.

i didnt have much of a carefree single life in my twenties as the first man courageous (or what i thought was courage then) enough to defy my father's strict protectiveness, became my husband.

after the marriage, for a time, i met mostly losers, if not outright users even, who had major psychological and emotional flaws in them.

then, there was a phase, too, when Jackie Collins' book title kept insinuating itself into my consciousness-- The World is Full of Married Men!

lately, though, things seemed to just have suddenly and quickly changed. i don't even have to look for them. people i know take pains to introduce me to their single and available male friends, who, from their c.v.s alone, are who would qualify in most mothers' books as "good catches".

is this a happy by-product of all my inner work? : ) i suspect that maybe, my consciousness has grown quite a significant bit, thus upping the ante on the kinds of men i attract into my world now quite a notch.

hmmmm....

but im not jumping at the opportunities all giddy and silly now. strange how i have reached a state where i can really just sit back and enjoy all the attention im receiving, holding my ground, without feeling anxious nor guilty nor too fearful about it now. i want and i desire, still, yet, i am just enjoying it, not concerned anymore about outcomes and expectations.

is this how the law of detachment works, within the law of attraction? i have heard it said many times before-- it is when you stop looking that you finally find.

hmmmm.

Mind Maps

when the student is ready, the teacher will come.

and usually, for me, more than anything else, the teacher usually comes in the form of books.

i was at the nearby mall with the kids yesterday, because thea needed to buy some supplies for her school projects. and i was just standing by a book display waiting for her to finish, even as i also waited for paolo who asked to run upstairs for a quick peek at the toy section.

i was standing there watching people, and then my eyes strayed to the books and the very big sign calling out to me -- Books for P50 Each Only! Right next to it was a magazine rack with the sign -- Magazines, P60 Each, and it amused me to note how books can be cheaper than magazines now.

the books were old and appeared a bit used, but they were good books, some of them classics even, in mostly hardbound copies. so i started browsing... and, by the time, the kids came up to me, ready to go home, i had already chosen 4 books to buy, with the following blurbs--

1. The Passionate Life-- Stages of Loving, by Sam Keen: "... a needed, well-written and most engaging slap in the face of the 'Playboy philosophy'. its trivialization of the erotic and its nearly exclusive emphasis on sexual proficiency as the definition of love; ... this wise and beautiful essay breathes new life into our thinking about love and sexuality. Sam Keen wants us to regard eros as an impulse or energy that links us to the whole web of life rather than a strictly sexual-romantic thing..."

2. Living In the Light, by Shakti Gawain: "... shows us a new way of life--becoming 'a channel for the creative power of the universe'. The key is in learning to listen to your intuition, and to act on it at all times, even at the risk of going against old patterns, expectations and belief systems."

3. The All-True Travels and Adventures of Liddie Newton, by Jane Smiley: "... The richly entertaining saga of a woman whom Huck Finn would have been proud to claim as his big sister... Liddie is a splendid creation."

4. The Age of Grief, by Jane Smiley: " (This) luminous novella explores the vicissitudes of love, friendship, and marriage with all the compassion and insight that have come to be expected from (this) Pulitzer Prize-winning author..."

***

in my research classes, we have a tool called "mind mapping" in trying to understand where a person is at at the very precise moment their minds are being mapped.

if the books i have just attracted (have become attracted to) now are an any indication, the blurbs might as well reveal where my mind is at now, too-- and the lessons i am ready to learn, or re-learn...

Nick Nolte

i just got this from a Belief.net subscription email, and i love how Nick Nolte explains the stuff in simple, understandable terms.... exactly what ive been growing into and discovering lately...

getting out of my way

i must be getting better at this stuff, basically just getting out of my way.

i was lying in bed last night, on my tummy, drawing my budget again for the next period. i thank God that, compared to previous years at this time of year (school opening season with all the school opening expenses), i am able to meet my obligations, and even have something more to settle old standing ones. still, after drawing my budget, though, i realized that there were two things i will have to postpone for a while, as we didn't have the funds for them-- a complete car tune-up (just to get the new car on a good start) and new clothes for the kids and i (they're outgrowing theirs, thea is even wearing mine now, and my old clothes are ... well... really old, as in circa married days and even pre-married days! a lifetime ago...).

anyway, as what usually happens when i discover that my current and expected funds are not enough to cover all foresseen needs, i start getting anxious, trying to brainstorm now solutions for either how i could generate more and/or how we could live with less.

i actually started doing that, this time, marking a new page on my notebook, "Solutions", when i remembered Anisa Aven's manifesting template (you submit a manifesting story to her, she sends you this template). which basically says that manifesting is basically a three-step process: create your Intent, vibrate with your Intent (through Gratitude, faith, positive expectancy, inspired action preparing to receive your Intent), and receive your Intent. but along the way, we usually get sidetracked on a detour around and through our blocks (fear, doubt, anxiety, negative emotions and thoughts, etc.) and it is this that we need practice working through by clearing them.

for last night, though, with this remembrance and recognition, i just simply decided to not entertain the sprouting anxiety, doubts and fears. i actually wrote in my notebook with a big circle and a big star and a big arrow-- "This is for God/the Universe to work on. I will just create the space, and watch and wait."

after writing that, i went to sleep (as sleep is an effective antidote for me in chasing anxieties and blues away) at 630 pm, while waiting for dinner.

i must've overslept though, as i was only awakened by thea because of a phone call.

it was my brother, T, who shared good news-- mama's tax refund of $5000 had just come through and mama said it was to be divided among T, our sister and i!!!

oohhh wowwww.....

how faster things manifest when we are cleared of all the blocks, huh?!!!

even now, i am still sooooo amazed.

Found Abudance log

when i re-started my regular meditations last monday, i also started this "Found Abundance" log, going by the manifesting principle of paying attention to your Intentions manifesting by logging any and all signs of their manifesting, even in little bits and increments, even if they're not manifesting in the exact form you intended, so that you help the manifesting along instead of blocking it by doubting or fearing they're not happening at all. in short, it's actually Gratitude in action, and more scientifically this time. : )

i've created it in Word and placed a shortcut to it on my desktop so i can quickly and easily access it to review it and add to it each time.

so here is a copy of my "Found Abundance" log so far--

Found Abundance!

Eternal Thank Yous!

- my life, my mind, my body, my heart, my will, my talents, my experiences and lessons so far

- my children

- our good health

- our happy and safe home

- the love of our families and friends

- the love of J, and the lesser loves and lessons that came before

- our school

- my work

- my peace work

- good food

- comfortable shelter

- good clothes and shoes

- opportunities to grow and rise up to our highest potentials

- Life!

As of Tuesday, May 09, 2006 –

- Toyota Vios 1.3E

- Citibank amnesty program and surprisingly pleasant communications all throughout the negotiations

- P14,000 Pag-IBIG automatic credits to our mortgage, lessening the amount I have to update

- P1000 Iyas creative writing workshop surprise honorarium for my documenting it

- Able to meet budget at Palmas

- Able to meet budget this period/cycle without borrowing from others

- LG and WB gracefully waiting for me to finish my writing projects with them, so i can be paid

- the chance to earn extra (and develop further my speaking/training career for future income streams) from the Basic Communication Skills teaching opportunity

As of Thursday, May 11, 2006 –

- J‘s $40 arriving quicker than expected, one day only instead of two days!

- Mrs. S told me I have honoraria for catalogue updating, even if it’s my half summer load!

- A approved my enrolling at TRANSCEND Global Univeristy for online PJ course, tuition to be taken from Project funds’ staff development budget!

- When I get paid from the Basic Communication Skills training, and in addition to my projected savings of 10k from TBS commission, I will have already covered two months of my Citibank monthly 12k payables to fully settle my account with them by November!

Thank You, God –

for all the Blessings we have received,

for all the Blessings we are receiving,

and all the Blessings coming our way!!!