it is 1235 am here, and i just woke up (actually woken up by two noisy older kids who were arguing about whether the younger of the two should sleep with the older one or with me).
last night, i slept early, tired from work but happy and satisfied from a day well used, yet also feeling pensive and very private. there was this sense of being alone and separate, just a little cog in the Universe, inconsequential, dispensable...
maybe it was from an earlier chat with older women colleagues (i was the youngest) yesterday after lunch at the faculty office, where we somehow got to talk about womanly things, and one 60-year-old colleague shared how she didnt like having sex with her husband anymore because she has become too dry and it has become painful, and there was ribbing and cackling and more womanly sharing and advices, and i gently, shyly offered my own advises.... and the attention turned to me, and they asked me if i still planned on marrying again someday, and i said yes, but im more discerning now, that i want to do it right this time, and it's not as if it's a "must have" for me, how if the right fit happens, id go for it, but if it won't, it won't make my life any less complete or less happy, unlike in the twenties when one first marries and one actually marries for other reasons... and then somebody nodded sagely and said, "yes, i get what you mean; companionship is best." and everybody else echoed the sage nodding.
the bell rang and we all had to move on to our classes, so i chose not to respond anymore. but, that small comment must have done it-- led to how i felt for the rest of the day, even when i tried to shake it off.
no, companionship is not best. it was the farthest thing from what i was trying to say. no, i wasn't even talking about companionship! but yes, i got the undertone of that well-intentioned comment: "dear, you're young but already in your late 30s, and with 3 kids. what single, available and quality guy would marry you for love?"
that, i guess, led to my feeling suddenly very alone.
still, the Universe supports, and sends me gentle reminders my way, from unexpected sources at that.
i just received a very nice comment from somebody, who invited me to check out her blog, too, and her latest post quickly changed my perspective, reminding me what it's all about. thank you, i_heart_80s! (thank you, too, for linking this blog in yours, and your Abraham-Hicks link in your blog! ive heard about them here and there but only got to be introduced to the essence of the teachings through your link!)
the last two days, too, have been a bit challenging for me in the heart department. i have been missing somebody very badly. although i love him, i am trying to extricate my self from him, because i am the "third party"... and since i started "going back home" recently and resolving to my self that i will be doing it right this time (with regards to him, maybe wait when our time comes, but not really "waiting" in the sense of postponing my life for him but just going on, letting what should be should be, letting things unfold naturally in my life), my resolve has been weakening lately, too, because i missed this person.
then, out of the blue, i get a call from mama, telling me how happy she is to know that i've been going to church again lately, and how she felt urged to sign me up for this quality online dating site! : ) awwww, ma...... !!! ( the smiley was not for the dating site but for mama's ideas!)
a few hours later, a good friend from Australia whom i haven't corresponded with in a long time suddenly messages me just to let me know and share with me how happy he was to have recently found the love of his life, and reminding me that it will come for me soon enough too! : ) that was sweet of him, to tell me that he prays for me to find what i deserve, too.
and yes, i got the point from these unexpected Universal "nudges"-- telling me through this experiences that ive made the right decision and that it's supporting me on my Path.
thank You, Universe!