it's one of a staple of the Disney classics i regularly listen to these days, as its on a cd i continually play in the car while i drive. its the first Disney song i truly took to heart and has stayed with me since my girlhood and all throughout my adulthood so far.
in between (and even during some) short-lived crushes and romances, when i pined and still longed for that special Someone who was truly of my own heart and soul, i would play the song or-- if it wasn't readily available-- even sing or hum the song to my self, to comfort me, to keep my hopes up, to keep holding out for more, for something better, higher, finer, truer... even as the loneliness of feeling so alone in this world threatened to engulf me into despair.
but i only realized the meaning of the coincidence early this morning while driving the children to school, and i was thinking of M (again), and the song played, again...
Be brave little one
Make a wish for each sad litte tear
Hold your head up
Though no one is near
Someone's waiting for you
Don't cry little one
There'll be a smile where a frown used to be
You'll be part of the love that you see
Someone's waiting for you
Always keep a little prayer in your pocket
And you're sure to see the light
Soon there'll be joy and happiness
And your little world will be bright
Have faith little one
Till your hopes and your wishes come true
You must try to be brave little one
Someone's waiting to love you
"little one"... "little one"... "little one"!!!
why didn't i notice it sooner when it's been there all along???
it was the Universe's way of telling me, to sit up and pay full attention, to this special man in my life now: a heart's desire is finally being answered!!!
ohhhhhh... OHHHHHHHHHHH.
no wonder the first time M called me "little one", it felt like... coming home.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Acts of Faith, and Miracles
i remember a line from the film, Under the Tuscan Sun-- "if you build the house, the occupants will come" -- which was similar to another line in the film, Field of Dreams -- "if you build the (baseball) diamond, the players will come"-- or something to that effect, and i marvel at how true they are in my life now.
a year and a half ago, i decided to stop "playing around" with short-term flings and little romances, because even if they were fun adventures, they were not doing any good to my mental, emotional and even physical health in the long run, with the risks i were taking. ive learned what i had to learn, i figured, "sowed my oats", so to speak, and so i thought it was time for me to settle down into my self, and give to me the loving that i sought elsewhere but never seemed to get, just love me and give to me and pamper me as i deserved, at last.
and so it went that as i got used to loving me just as i am, i met friends -- men and women -- who were also more of the giving types, not the taker types i used to be surrounded with before. and their friendships and nurturing further bolstered my sense of value, of feeling more deserving of true and good loving just as i am, without my having to do anything else to earn it or to pay for it.
a little over two months ago, i was introduced by an old college friend to a man whom i connected with so deeply and so soon, it brought that old girlhood dream and mantra... "soulmate"... back to life for me again.
im taking it slow this time, though... making sure i do it right this time. and surprisingly for me (i have been with men before who just pushed and rushed and insisted, never mind what i wanted or how i felt about things), he respects it and abides by it. our friendship's developing beautifully; he is like the amalgamation of all the other friends ive had over the past year and a half. he has introduced me to his mom, and his mom and i hit it off quick too. : ) he told me one time how "bizaare" his feelings for me are-- "i cannot imagine life without you in it, and yet you have just arrived in it!"
what never ceases to amaze me is, in addition to the fact of our quick and deep connection, his life circumstances are in such a way that they fit mine, and mine his, supporting each other's dreams, filling each other's little lacks.... oohhh, almost like a perfect fit. bizaare, indeed. one example is even before i met him, i resolved to my self that i will take a leave of absence from my day job by next schoolyear, to create space for my heart's true desires-- writing and reading and maybe even more travelling through the family business and my burgeoning speaking career. now, here comes a man who is not only very passionate about reading and writing (and his mom and only sister are writers too!) but a world traveler too, who is seeking to settle down at last yet still also wants to introduce me and my little ones to the places he has been! i still secretly glow from his solemn promise-- "someday, we will all travel, including your little treasures." : ) : ) : )
of course, one side of me says maybe it is still too early to know for sure, that time will tell. but so far, things have been growing beautifully, everyday miracles manifesting.
if not for anything else, what i love (we haven't spoken that L word yet...so hush...) most about this man is that he makes me laugh. even when he complains and rants about his day, without his meaning to, they always come out funny, and he just makes me laugh, and feel warm all over. i could live with someone who makes me laugh, no matter what, for the rest of my life!
: D
***
oohh, God, help me be worthy; God help me do it right this time!
a year and a half ago, i decided to stop "playing around" with short-term flings and little romances, because even if they were fun adventures, they were not doing any good to my mental, emotional and even physical health in the long run, with the risks i were taking. ive learned what i had to learn, i figured, "sowed my oats", so to speak, and so i thought it was time for me to settle down into my self, and give to me the loving that i sought elsewhere but never seemed to get, just love me and give to me and pamper me as i deserved, at last.
and so it went that as i got used to loving me just as i am, i met friends -- men and women -- who were also more of the giving types, not the taker types i used to be surrounded with before. and their friendships and nurturing further bolstered my sense of value, of feeling more deserving of true and good loving just as i am, without my having to do anything else to earn it or to pay for it.
a little over two months ago, i was introduced by an old college friend to a man whom i connected with so deeply and so soon, it brought that old girlhood dream and mantra... "soulmate"... back to life for me again.
im taking it slow this time, though... making sure i do it right this time. and surprisingly for me (i have been with men before who just pushed and rushed and insisted, never mind what i wanted or how i felt about things), he respects it and abides by it. our friendship's developing beautifully; he is like the amalgamation of all the other friends ive had over the past year and a half. he has introduced me to his mom, and his mom and i hit it off quick too. : ) he told me one time how "bizaare" his feelings for me are-- "i cannot imagine life without you in it, and yet you have just arrived in it!"
what never ceases to amaze me is, in addition to the fact of our quick and deep connection, his life circumstances are in such a way that they fit mine, and mine his, supporting each other's dreams, filling each other's little lacks.... oohhh, almost like a perfect fit. bizaare, indeed. one example is even before i met him, i resolved to my self that i will take a leave of absence from my day job by next schoolyear, to create space for my heart's true desires-- writing and reading and maybe even more travelling through the family business and my burgeoning speaking career. now, here comes a man who is not only very passionate about reading and writing (and his mom and only sister are writers too!) but a world traveler too, who is seeking to settle down at last yet still also wants to introduce me and my little ones to the places he has been! i still secretly glow from his solemn promise-- "someday, we will all travel, including your little treasures." : ) : ) : )
of course, one side of me says maybe it is still too early to know for sure, that time will tell. but so far, things have been growing beautifully, everyday miracles manifesting.
if not for anything else, what i love (we haven't spoken that L word yet...so hush...) most about this man is that he makes me laugh. even when he complains and rants about his day, without his meaning to, they always come out funny, and he just makes me laugh, and feel warm all over. i could live with someone who makes me laugh, no matter what, for the rest of my life!
: D
***
oohh, God, help me be worthy; God help me do it right this time!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Intent NOW
"I am in an honest-to-goodness, loving, healthy, affirming relationship, based on trust, love and respect, which, with God's Grace, lasts a lifetime.
I am with a good man who is single, available, honest and kind, loving and responsible, healthy, takes good care of himself and his life, positive about life and growing and learning as I am, and with a strong sense of dignity and honor. He loves me and my children with all his heart, mind, body and soul."
The Universe supports
it is 1235 am here, and i just woke up (actually woken up by two noisy older kids who were arguing about whether the younger of the two should sleep with the older one or with me).
last night, i slept early, tired from work but happy and satisfied from a day well used, yet also feeling pensive and very private. there was this sense of being alone and separate, just a little cog in the Universe, inconsequential, dispensable...
maybe it was from an earlier chat with older women colleagues (i was the youngest) yesterday after lunch at the faculty office, where we somehow got to talk about womanly things, and one 60-year-old colleague shared how she didnt like having sex with her husband anymore because she has become too dry and it has become painful, and there was ribbing and cackling and more womanly sharing and advices, and i gently, shyly offered my own advises.... and the attention turned to me, and they asked me if i still planned on marrying again someday, and i said yes, but im more discerning now, that i want to do it right this time, and it's not as if it's a "must have" for me, how if the right fit happens, id go for it, but if it won't, it won't make my life any less complete or less happy, unlike in the twenties when one first marries and one actually marries for other reasons... and then somebody nodded sagely and said, "yes, i get what you mean; companionship is best." and everybody else echoed the sage nodding.
the bell rang and we all had to move on to our classes, so i chose not to respond anymore. but, that small comment must have done it-- led to how i felt for the rest of the day, even when i tried to shake it off.
no, companionship is not best. it was the farthest thing from what i was trying to say. no, i wasn't even talking about companionship! but yes, i got the undertone of that well-intentioned comment: "dear, you're young but already in your late 30s, and with 3 kids. what single, available and quality guy would marry you for love?"
that, i guess, led to my feeling suddenly very alone.
still, the Universe supports, and sends me gentle reminders my way, from unexpected sources at that.
i just received a very nice comment from somebody, who invited me to check out her blog, too, and her latest post quickly changed my perspective, reminding me what it's all about. thank you, i_heart_80s! (thank you, too, for linking this blog in yours, and your Abraham-Hicks link in your blog! ive heard about them here and there but only got to be introduced to the essence of the teachings through your link!)
***
the last two days, too, have been a bit challenging for me in the heart department. i have been missing somebody very badly. although i love him, i am trying to extricate my self from him, because i am the "third party"... and since i started "going back home" recently and resolving to my self that i will be doing it right this time (with regards to him, maybe wait when our time comes, but not really "waiting" in the sense of postponing my life for him but just going on, letting what should be should be, letting things unfold naturally in my life), my resolve has been weakening lately, too, because i missed this person.
then, out of the blue, i get a call from mama, telling me how happy she is to know that i've been going to church again lately, and how she felt urged to sign me up for this quality online dating site! : ) awwww, ma...... !!! ( the smiley was not for the dating site but for mama's ideas!)
a few hours later, a good friend from Australia whom i haven't corresponded with in a long time suddenly messages me just to let me know and share with me how happy he was to have recently found the love of his life, and reminding me that it will come for me soon enough too! : ) that was sweet of him, to tell me that he prays for me to find what i deserve, too.
and yes, i got the point from these unexpected Universal "nudges"-- telling me through this experiences that ive made the right decision and that it's supporting me on my Path.
thank You, Universe!
last night, i slept early, tired from work but happy and satisfied from a day well used, yet also feeling pensive and very private. there was this sense of being alone and separate, just a little cog in the Universe, inconsequential, dispensable...
maybe it was from an earlier chat with older women colleagues (i was the youngest) yesterday after lunch at the faculty office, where we somehow got to talk about womanly things, and one 60-year-old colleague shared how she didnt like having sex with her husband anymore because she has become too dry and it has become painful, and there was ribbing and cackling and more womanly sharing and advices, and i gently, shyly offered my own advises.... and the attention turned to me, and they asked me if i still planned on marrying again someday, and i said yes, but im more discerning now, that i want to do it right this time, and it's not as if it's a "must have" for me, how if the right fit happens, id go for it, but if it won't, it won't make my life any less complete or less happy, unlike in the twenties when one first marries and one actually marries for other reasons... and then somebody nodded sagely and said, "yes, i get what you mean; companionship is best." and everybody else echoed the sage nodding.
the bell rang and we all had to move on to our classes, so i chose not to respond anymore. but, that small comment must have done it-- led to how i felt for the rest of the day, even when i tried to shake it off.
no, companionship is not best. it was the farthest thing from what i was trying to say. no, i wasn't even talking about companionship! but yes, i got the undertone of that well-intentioned comment: "dear, you're young but already in your late 30s, and with 3 kids. what single, available and quality guy would marry you for love?"
that, i guess, led to my feeling suddenly very alone.
still, the Universe supports, and sends me gentle reminders my way, from unexpected sources at that.
i just received a very nice comment from somebody, who invited me to check out her blog, too, and her latest post quickly changed my perspective, reminding me what it's all about. thank you, i_heart_80s! (thank you, too, for linking this blog in yours, and your Abraham-Hicks link in your blog! ive heard about them here and there but only got to be introduced to the essence of the teachings through your link!)
***
the last two days, too, have been a bit challenging for me in the heart department. i have been missing somebody very badly. although i love him, i am trying to extricate my self from him, because i am the "third party"... and since i started "going back home" recently and resolving to my self that i will be doing it right this time (with regards to him, maybe wait when our time comes, but not really "waiting" in the sense of postponing my life for him but just going on, letting what should be should be, letting things unfold naturally in my life), my resolve has been weakening lately, too, because i missed this person.
then, out of the blue, i get a call from mama, telling me how happy she is to know that i've been going to church again lately, and how she felt urged to sign me up for this quality online dating site! : ) awwww, ma...... !!! ( the smiley was not for the dating site but for mama's ideas!)
a few hours later, a good friend from Australia whom i haven't corresponded with in a long time suddenly messages me just to let me know and share with me how happy he was to have recently found the love of his life, and reminding me that it will come for me soon enough too! : ) that was sweet of him, to tell me that he prays for me to find what i deserve, too.
and yes, i got the point from these unexpected Universal "nudges"-- telling me through this experiences that ive made the right decision and that it's supporting me on my Path.
thank You, Universe!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
the law of attraction, personally speaking
how shall i say it without sounding smug?
i seem to be attracting the good quality guys these days.
i didn't write it publicly in my Desire List, although i wrote it in my diaries from time to time, but it seems like, at last, the Universe is answering my heart's call.
good-hearted, smart, accomplished, goodlooking and available men seem to be coming out of the woodwork these days, when, for most of my life, i thought they were non-existent.
in my teens, i attracted and was attracted to the bad boys, those dumb jocks from the lowest academic classes.
i didnt have much of a carefree single life in my twenties as the first man courageous (or what i thought was courage then) enough to defy my father's strict protectiveness, became my husband.
after the marriage, for a time, i met mostly losers, if not outright users even, who had major psychological and emotional flaws in them.
then, there was a phase, too, when Jackie Collins' book title kept insinuating itself into my consciousness-- The World is Full of Married Men!
lately, though, things seemed to just have suddenly and quickly changed. i don't even have to look for them. people i know take pains to introduce me to their single and available male friends, who, from their c.v.s alone, are who would qualify in most mothers' books as "good catches".
is this a happy by-product of all my inner work? : ) i suspect that maybe, my consciousness has grown quite a significant bit, thus upping the ante on the kinds of men i attract into my world now quite a notch.
hmmmm....
but im not jumping at the opportunities all giddy and silly now. strange how i have reached a state where i can really just sit back and enjoy all the attention im receiving, holding my ground, without feeling anxious nor guilty nor too fearful about it now. i want and i desire, still, yet, i am just enjoying it, not concerned anymore about outcomes and expectations.
is this how the law of detachment works, within the law of attraction? i have heard it said many times before-- it is when you stop looking that you finally find.
hmmmm.
i seem to be attracting the good quality guys these days.
i didn't write it publicly in my Desire List, although i wrote it in my diaries from time to time, but it seems like, at last, the Universe is answering my heart's call.
good-hearted, smart, accomplished, goodlooking and available men seem to be coming out of the woodwork these days, when, for most of my life, i thought they were non-existent.
in my teens, i attracted and was attracted to the bad boys, those dumb jocks from the lowest academic classes.
i didnt have much of a carefree single life in my twenties as the first man courageous (or what i thought was courage then) enough to defy my father's strict protectiveness, became my husband.
after the marriage, for a time, i met mostly losers, if not outright users even, who had major psychological and emotional flaws in them.
then, there was a phase, too, when Jackie Collins' book title kept insinuating itself into my consciousness-- The World is Full of Married Men!
lately, though, things seemed to just have suddenly and quickly changed. i don't even have to look for them. people i know take pains to introduce me to their single and available male friends, who, from their c.v.s alone, are who would qualify in most mothers' books as "good catches".
is this a happy by-product of all my inner work? : ) i suspect that maybe, my consciousness has grown quite a significant bit, thus upping the ante on the kinds of men i attract into my world now quite a notch.
hmmmm....
but im not jumping at the opportunities all giddy and silly now. strange how i have reached a state where i can really just sit back and enjoy all the attention im receiving, holding my ground, without feeling anxious nor guilty nor too fearful about it now. i want and i desire, still, yet, i am just enjoying it, not concerned anymore about outcomes and expectations.
is this how the law of detachment works, within the law of attraction? i have heard it said many times before-- it is when you stop looking that you finally find.
hmmmm.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Mind Maps
when the student is ready, the teacher will come.
and usually, for me, more than anything else, the teacher usually comes in the form of books.
i was at the nearby mall with the kids yesterday, because thea needed to buy some supplies for her school projects. and i was just standing by a book display waiting for her to finish, even as i also waited for paolo who asked to run upstairs for a quick peek at the toy section.
i was standing there watching people, and then my eyes strayed to the books and the very big sign calling out to me -- Books for P50 Each Only! Right next to it was a magazine rack with the sign -- Magazines, P60 Each, and it amused me to note how books can be cheaper than magazines now.
the books were old and appeared a bit used, but they were good books, some of them classics even, in mostly hardbound copies. so i started browsing... and, by the time, the kids came up to me, ready to go home, i had already chosen 4 books to buy, with the following blurbs--
1. The Passionate Life-- Stages of Loving, by Sam Keen: "... a needed, well-written and most engaging slap in the face of the 'Playboy philosophy'. its trivialization of the erotic and its nearly exclusive emphasis on sexual proficiency as the definition of love; ... this wise and beautiful essay breathes new life into our thinking about love and sexuality. Sam Keen wants us to regard eros as an impulse or energy that links us to the whole web of life rather than a strictly sexual-romantic thing..."
2. Living In the Light, by Shakti Gawain: "... shows us a new way of life--becoming 'a channel for the creative power of the universe'. The key is in learning to listen to your intuition, and to act on it at all times, even at the risk of going against old patterns, expectations and belief systems."
3. The All-True Travels and Adventures of Liddie Newton, by Jane Smiley: "... The richly entertaining saga of a woman whom Huck Finn would have been proud to claim as his big sister... Liddie is a splendid creation."
4. The Age of Grief, by Jane Smiley: " (This) luminous novella explores the vicissitudes of love, friendship, and marriage with all the compassion and insight that have come to be expected from (this) Pulitzer Prize-winning author..."
***
in my research classes, we have a tool called "mind mapping" in trying to understand where a person is at at the very precise moment their minds are being mapped.
if the books i have just attracted (have become attracted to) now are an any indication, the blurbs might as well reveal where my mind is at now, too-- and the lessons i am ready to learn, or re-learn...
and usually, for me, more than anything else, the teacher usually comes in the form of books.
i was at the nearby mall with the kids yesterday, because thea needed to buy some supplies for her school projects. and i was just standing by a book display waiting for her to finish, even as i also waited for paolo who asked to run upstairs for a quick peek at the toy section.
i was standing there watching people, and then my eyes strayed to the books and the very big sign calling out to me -- Books for P50 Each Only! Right next to it was a magazine rack with the sign -- Magazines, P60 Each, and it amused me to note how books can be cheaper than magazines now.
the books were old and appeared a bit used, but they were good books, some of them classics even, in mostly hardbound copies. so i started browsing... and, by the time, the kids came up to me, ready to go home, i had already chosen 4 books to buy, with the following blurbs--
1. The Passionate Life-- Stages of Loving, by Sam Keen: "... a needed, well-written and most engaging slap in the face of the 'Playboy philosophy'. its trivialization of the erotic and its nearly exclusive emphasis on sexual proficiency as the definition of love; ... this wise and beautiful essay breathes new life into our thinking about love and sexuality. Sam Keen wants us to regard eros as an impulse or energy that links us to the whole web of life rather than a strictly sexual-romantic thing..."
2. Living In the Light, by Shakti Gawain: "... shows us a new way of life--becoming 'a channel for the creative power of the universe'. The key is in learning to listen to your intuition, and to act on it at all times, even at the risk of going against old patterns, expectations and belief systems."
3. The All-True Travels and Adventures of Liddie Newton, by Jane Smiley: "... The richly entertaining saga of a woman whom Huck Finn would have been proud to claim as his big sister... Liddie is a splendid creation."
4. The Age of Grief, by Jane Smiley: " (This) luminous novella explores the vicissitudes of love, friendship, and marriage with all the compassion and insight that have come to be expected from (this) Pulitzer Prize-winning author..."
***
in my research classes, we have a tool called "mind mapping" in trying to understand where a person is at at the very precise moment their minds are being mapped.
if the books i have just attracted (have become attracted to) now are an any indication, the blurbs might as well reveal where my mind is at now, too-- and the lessons i am ready to learn, or re-learn...
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Nick Nolte
i just got this from a Belief.net subscription email, and i love how Nick Nolte explains the stuff in simple, understandable terms.... exactly what ive been growing into and discovering lately...
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