Wednesday, April 11, 2007

When in Doubt On Whether To Stay or To Go

from The Creative Manifesting free newsletter i subscribe to:

Quick Manifesting Morsels with Anisa Aven:

Q: I love your site and your devotion to helping others manifest their dreams! I always get so excited when I get your newsletter because I know it will have some helpful hint I need that day!! I have a question about the law of attraction and manifesting. I find that I can easily manifest things I do not have a strong attachment to, but when it comes to big things, like relationships, I am not so lucky.

For years I have been hanging onto a relationship with a guy I believe to be my soul mate, only it has been a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings, some good and some bad. It is heartbreaking to me because I feel like I have all the tools to create the beautiful, romantic soul mate relationship I desire with this person but I can't seem to get it right. I know I cannot control his feelings but am I wrong to think that the law of attraction can help this situation? I know I should just focus on the relationship I desire instead of the face it comes with, but I feel so strongly attached to this person and want to experience the love I desire with him. Any insight you have would be so much appreciated. Thanks for all you do!

- Erin

A: Thank you for your kind words, Erin.

When we focus on what we want, what we desire, we send forth an energetic signal that is creative. However, that signal is not vibrationally aligned with what we say we want but instead it is aligned with 'the longing' for what we want. Desire is a descending emotion filled with longing, an intense wish for something that we feel separate from.

It's the experience of separation that prevents us from intentionally creating. As long as we feel separate from the essence of our desire, we vibrate in opposition to it.

"You can't have what you want." - God, in A Conversation with God by Neale Donald Walsch

You have to change your 'wanting' to 'accepting'.

The 'trick' to re-creating a relationship is to be willing to never have that relationship be that which you say you want. (emphases mine.) Instead you must be willing to focus on the experience of love and fulfillment that is the essence of your true desire.

This translates to sheer willingness to accept whatever is, as exactly what's meant to be. It means being willing to let this relationship go; and to be willing to accept it exactly as it is, as perfect in and of itself, even if it never changes.

From this willingness, your thoughts soften and a greater sense of tranquility will prevail. Within this state of mind lies the energetic framework required to inspire and attract the real relationship you want, the essence of your real desire.

The framework I'm referring to is an intention to unconditionally love and accept your partner exactly as they are, filled with the wonder of life as one of God's perfect Divine souls.

For as you send forth real love and light, you free their inner being to return the love.

From the 72 Names of God, by Yehuda Berg:

"�You must offer unconditional love and true light to your friends and even those you see as enemies if you want to receive peace and serenity in your own life. You must see the soul of the other person and connect to it.

�the key to this Universal law is the offering of true light and unconditional kindness. The reason is, unconditional love and authentic light immediately penetrate the soul of the other party, awakening love and light in return."

Now, you'll notice that I used the word 'trick' above because that's exactly what you're doing. You are tricking your thoughts into a place of greater vibrational illumination.

Of course, there are times when it's simply more comfortable to move away from what is than to re-create it. Re-creating a relationship, a job, or a health issue, for example, when we are steeped in the diagnosis of 'the way that it is' requires a great deal of courage, attention, intention, time, and faith.

I won't say that I haven't taken the easier road at times because I have. When my children's doctor didn't believe in naturopathic options, I didn't try to 're-create' that relationship; I didn't use the law of attraction to inspire him to come around.

In this situation the path of least resistance was simply finding a doctor that was more aligned with my family's beliefs.

Long standing relationships will be more challenging to re-create because of their 'story'; because the relationship has so much history and evidence to prove it is the way it is.

My current relationship is the best I've ever had. I feel madly in love, cherished, cared for, and passionate about our future. When he's away, I can't wait for him to get home.

My brother borrowed him for two weekends in a row to help build a storage shed. (Unfortunately, people are always borrowing my honey because he's pretty crafty with a hammer.) By the 2nd weekend, I was a little pest calling them both and whining, "When are you going to be done? What about me?!?!"

My brother said, "I didn't know you were that needy!?!" I just giggled because the truth is I'm the furthest thing from needy but I did miss my honey! This is a very fresh and very good feeling.

It wasn't always this way, however. My honey and I have a history of power struggles. At one point I threw up my hands and said, "I'm done! I just don't want this anymore."

This was the precise moment when I was able to re-create the relationship. To tell you the truth, I thought at the time I'd have to let him go. I thought it would be easier to start over than to re-create this one. And, I was willing.

However, I focused on willingness, acceptance, love, and hope instead.

Then, as if by magic, the relationship turned into the most special love of my life.

Another point I'd like to briefly discuss is one's attachment to the 'idea' about how a relationship should look. Recently a friend emailed that her partner said, "I'm just not good at relationships and marriage just doesn't suit me."

She wants marriage and he doesn't. When resistance to the relationship comes in the form of resistance to the 'structure' of the relationship, you will want to consider whether it's the 'form' or the 'love' that is the most important.

It's okay to want marriage and if your partner doesn't want that, you may have to let them go. Or, you may find that it's easier and more aligned with what you want to let go of the 'form' and love the relationship and your mate exactly as they are. Remember, millions of couples are happily (and permanently) coupled without the 'form' of marriage.

If you want to re-create a relationship, inspire it to be all that you desire, you must start with that willingness that I mentioned above. Then send forth such a great deal of unconditional love and acceptance that the light from your heart transforms the situation.

At some point there will be a fork in the road; an opportunity to stay because it's obvious that you can use the power of love to support the relationship you want or an opportunity to let it go. In spite of your love for your mate, it will become obvious that it would be easier to accept them as they are and let them go than to change them (and your thoughts about them).

Your intentional unconditional love and acceptance will either inspire the relationship to new heights of adoration or you will become acutely aware of the relationship's incapacity to give anymore than it's already giving.

At this point, you won't be able to judge them for being the way they are. Instead, you will honor the Divine within them and trust that the Universal spirit is guiding you to a better relationship once you let this one go.

Either way, you will experience a peaceful resolve first. This will be your cue that you are indeed aligned with the wonderful love you desire.

Copyright, 2007: Anisa Aven, This article is available for free reprint.

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